


Benediction

by CosmicPrincen



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Bittersweet, Brief mentions of Sasha Kaidanovsky/Aleksis Kaidanovsky, Complicated Relationships, Coping, F/M, Friendship/Love, Gen, Post-Canon, Post-Movie(s), Some Herc feels in there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-08
Updated: 2013-08-08
Packaged: 2017-12-22 19:09:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/916971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CosmicPrincen/pseuds/CosmicPrincen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There aren't any words for what they are to each other, because any term for a connection between individuals was made before the drift.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Benediction

**Author's Note:**

> Benediction: n. the form of blessing pronounced by an officiating minister, as at the close of divine service.

Raleigh had heard once that the Kaidanovskys weren't always as physically affectionate as they were when he had known them. 

The Russian pilot couple were often viewed at the Shatterdome with a mixture of amusement and shock at how candid they were with their feelings, as if it was the most natural thing in the world for Sasha to be running her hands through Aleksis' hair during important meetings as he pressed soft kisses along her neck.

 

They had reportedly been a lot more reserved earlier on. It was only after their 18 hour drift that they seemed to lose all sense of how uncomfortable they could make those around them with their unfettered attentions to each other.

Hearing this, Raleigh couldn't help but wonder if their handsy approach to their relationship was the only coping mechanism they had, after being so tangled together for so long that there was hardly any distinction between the two; pieces lost in each other and everything openly exchanged.

**

Of course, he had gone for a long time without drifting before, out of necessity. And though everyone offered their condolences on his loss, there were times that Raleigh felt like correcting them, because Yancy would always be with him. 

It wasn't the same. But Raleigh was as much Yancy as he was himself.

RaleighYancy.

It was what happened, when you drifted. Sometimes it got confusing, but life had never promised to be simple.  
You lived with it.

And now, after everything else, he was RaleighYancy-Mako, as much as she was MakoRaleigh-Yancy.

He wondered if they still counted as a team made up of three, if one of them was dead.

**

They were the only team left. The only ones to see their Jaegar decommissioned.

It was broadcast as a celebration: no more need for the brutal weapons that had been their only defense.

 

Watching the turbine go dark for the last time, Raleigh mentally corrected himself.

There weren't three of them together in the drift, there were four.

And now Gipsy Danger was as dead as Yancy.

**

Raleigh can see that Herc understands, sort of. He'd lost his copilot and his family -- as Raleigh had, once -- and watched Raleigh and Mako with a sort of pitying sympathy.

There was no doubt that they would always be connected, but without drifting, it felt like he was talking to her over a static-scrubbed radio when they were face to face.

It's like stepping back onto land after spending months out at sea; what was considered the norm now felt surreal and off kilter. Raleigh can only be grateful that his unsteadiness isn't visible. 

Usually.

**

There aren't any words for what they are to each other, because any term for a connection between individuals was made before the drift. 

Nothing properly encompasses exactly all there is between them.

**

At first he hugs her a lot, because the man who was her father is dead and she spends a lot of time crying.

Raleigh cries with her, knowing her sorrow as intimately as is possible but trying to remain a support.

**

It turns out Mako is rather camera-shy, and her hand often wanders into his when they make public appearances.

The press speculates about their relationship.

Raleigh doesn't let it bother him because he knows they will never come close to the truth.

**

The longer they go without the drift -- now unnecessary, without the Jaegar program -- the more he thinks he understands what phantom limb syndrome feels like.  
He knows she is no longer in his head, but at the same time she is and he can feel it.

Scientists are studying the drift, and Raleigh tries not to be angry at Newt and Hermann for being able to have it when he can't.

It's different than those years after Yancy's death, because Mako is here and she's a part of him that's missing.

Raleigh feels her absence like he only has one boot on, and he's reminded of the fact that something is wrong every time he takes a step.

**

They spend almost all of their time together, but they aren't friends. 

Neither plans to live out their life without the other at their side, but they aren't family, either.

When asked if he loves her, Raleigh is not at all uncertain of the answer and replies in the affirmative even though he knows the unwaver affection he has for Mako isn't the kind of love they were talking about.

He has no idea what else to call it.

**

It isn't long before they spend time cuddled together for no apparent reason, before they're sharing a bed.

Raleigh doesn't remember who starts it, but they spend a lot of time kissing. Exploring mouths as if it was their minds, as if it was in any way a substitute for what they had.

Their relationship becomes sexual, because it's the closest thing to drifting there is. But even that is a cheap imitation, and he pretends he doesn't notice her suppressed dissatisfaction that so closely mirrors his own when afterward she falls asleep against his chest.

They spend time in each others' beds, arms -- but they aren't lovers.

**

Unconsciously he matches his breathing with hers, and is mildly annoyed that he can't command his heartbeat to a similar tempo, that something will always be off.

Mako may be a part of him, but after the closeness they shared he will never be able to view them as anything but severed.

**

The world moves on, learns how not to be at war.

Raleigh feels stuck.

He knows Mako feels the same, because one night when they're curled together and he whispers "I miss you.", he can feel her nod, hair brushing over his lips.

**

Herc pulls him aside one day and tells him he should stop taking her for granted. Raleigh doesn't have a chance to explain what it feels like before Herc has him tight by the shoulders.

"You're the only two left. No one else on earth knows what it's like. It might not be much, but it's more than anyone else has got."

The older man shoves him against the wall and blinks rapidly, calling to Max before stalking away.

**

At first Raleigh feels belligerent, but he knows the new Marshal is right. That evening he catches her face in his hands and spends a long time just looking at her.

Mako doesn't question it, meeting his gaze with even impassivity.

"I'm lucky to have this. To have you."

He hopes that saying it will help convince him, though the bitterness of loss still seeps through his mind.

She pulls him into a hug, and Raleigh distantly finds himself wondering if the Kaidanovskys would have been able to live at all without the drift.

As terrible as it sounds; at that thought as Raleigh draws Mako tight against him, he's almost glad they never had to face it.


End file.
